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  Just as I was finishing up my shower, something broke and it started spewing water everywhere. I couldn’t fix it on the first try and I got really frustrated, so I ran outside and caught the ice cream man. Ice cream fixes everything. My ice cream cone is pink, and I didn’t even ask for that! Maybe this won’t be such a bad day after all. There’s nothing to do at home. I can't even buy books unless I start selling all my stolen junk. That's kind of against the whole point, plus selling stolen goods is NOT territory I want to venture into. Reading the newspaper doesn’t take very long. So I went to my old favorite hangout. It’s nice to go where everybody knows your name where nobody remembers your name but they soon will. I took this picture just because I thought it was cute. There are never enough cute cat pictures, right? The people-watching on my street is as good as I remembered.  The Kennedy’s and the Alvi’s still live across the street. The Alvi’s place has so much ruste...

This is Caroline. Isn’t she gorgeous?     I first saw her when she entered the library with her little girl in her arms, and walked right into the wall. Talk about clumsy. She got my attention right away. She’s just got to be interesting. She got bored with our conversation and started reading a book. So I went right over to her house and stole her stove. Ha ha! I kill myself.     See where the stove was? Her husband didn’t even notice. Maybe he’s not too bright. She actually called me on the phone while I was there and we had a nice chat. I couldn’t make this shit up.   “I’m in your house stealing your stuff!”   I hope she gets a new one. After all, I want to make friends with her. I like the stove, though. It’s better than my old one, and I don’t burn food quite as often.  

  I’m not really a good thief. In fact, I suck at it. At first I stole a lot of chairs. No tables, just chairs.   A LOT of chairs. And clocks.   I’m getting better, slowly. This is what I stole tonight. It’s a marble fountain. Pretty, isn’t it?

Hi. I’m Zayne.   I love pink, I love men, and I never, ever wear shoes.   When I was just shaking off my teens, I moved to a tiny house in a quaint little town called Sunset Valley. Think Mayberry with slightly better night spots. I was overflowing with lust for anything with a Y chromosome, and a driving ambition to become Sunset Valley’s next big rock star.   Oh, I forgot. Here’s an old picture of me.     I did it, too. I made it to the big time. I was rich and famous. Pretty cool, huh?   I fell in love with this gorgeous soccer player named Travis. What a hunk that guy was. Sigh. He made it into the big time, too. But he also made it into the world of drugs and lowlife friends. He turned out to be a big jackass who drained the bank accounts and left me. Dick.   I became so depressed that it was kind of like PTSD or something. My own career tanked and I couldn’t seem to drag myself out of the hole. Seems I couldn’t handle it, either, when life got to...